It ain't Arby's but we got the meats when the Shaolin Cowboy goes to Halal and back. Caught between the cloven and the clawed, can a karate chop beat the pork chop and still win in a pinch? Hog Kong and King Crab and his band of minimum-wage assassins all say, "NO!" Will our hero win by popular "smote"-or die by electoral carnage?